"it's just the way i smile," you said

[evergleam]

I've had one of the least productive weekends of my life. But after the horrible-ness that was last week, I think I deserved it. I hardly left the apartment at all, sat around in my pjs, watched S2 Angel, ate spaghetti, and just didn't generally do much of anything at all. It's kind of depressing really. What kind of college student am I?

I have an assignment due in Advanced Comp tomorrow that I've barely started. I find it really hard to get into the groove of writing in classic style. I hate classic style. Stupid class. I suppose I'll just finish my draft in between classes tomorrow.

I've been listening to The Cure all night, thanks to Laura. I pulled out my Disintegration CD, and I dunno. It's not helping my state of mind at all. I need some happy music. Or to just go to bed. That would be good, too.

I really want to write something of more substance, but I just kinda feel numb. I feel like lately I've just been going through the motions of being a person, a student, a friend. I don't feel like I'm really paying attention to what's going on around me. I don't really know what to do with myself.

Megan and I had a long talk today about future plans. Maybe I'll just take a year off after graduation, move to New York. I've always wanted to live there. I could get a job, live there for awhile, maybe apply for grad school at NYU. I really don't know what I want to do. Part of me lately really wants to become a teacher. I think it would be great to be a professor at a small school like mine, and be able to teach and work on side projects at the same time. I don't know. Maybe I really do want to do television, or maybe I want to stick to what I know and stay in school forever.

I really need to try new things.

I only have three more semesters till graduation. I really don't know how I'm going to finish two minors, maybe a third, and pull off my senior seminar. I can't believe it's all going by so quickly.

I'm gonna go read and go to bed. Enough rambling for one night.

Comments

[madrigalblue.livejournal.com]

consolation: senior sem is way not as bad as it looks.

there are definitely much harder classes. I've heard advanced comp is one of them! (I opted for grammar and usage, also not fun)

:)

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I probably wouldn't be so worried about senior sem if Dr. Regis weren't always "you should have your thesis figured out by now and you should start working on it blahblahblahcakes." I think if I ever actually come up with something to write about, I won't be so worried about it.

How exactly do you go about figuring out what to write about, after you figure out what your interests are?

[madrigalblue.livejournal.com]

try reading a lot on your topic in general, and read about the various literary theories, too. mine was kind of easy because it was obvious to take feminism into the realm of arthurian legend considering my topic was guinevere. it might be less obvious though.

chat with jane sharpe in the library... even just to bounce ideas off of her... she's great!

hope it helps!

[(Anonymous)]

If you're serious about the moving to New York thing, I may be able to re-establish contact with an old friend that moved up there halfway through college. She'd probably have some decent advice regarding such a move.
Of couse, you very well might not need any advice. In that case, ignore me. :D

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I am serious about moving to New York at some point, just maybe not the year after college. I'm not sure about that part yet. Any and all advice would be welcome. :)