an open letter

[evergleam]

Dear Barnes & Noble customers:

I swear to god, it won't be long now before I snap, and it will be all your fault. I realize that when you come to the counter for a cup of coffee or a 500-calorie slice of cheesecake, I'm wearing a stupid uniform and a green apron, and therefore I'm not an actual person to you, but you know what? I'm preparing your food, so you should probably think about that before treating me like crap. That said, a few things to keep in mind:

1. That trash you leave all over the tables in the dining room? A real, live, honest-to-god breathing human being has to clean up. Do you leave empty cups and sucked-on straws and used napkins all over your tables at home? Or worse, on top of the trash can? Seriously, folks, there are three clearly labeled trash receptacles. Don't put trash on top of them, or near them, or around them, put trash in them. And please, for the love of all that is good and sacred in this world, stop wadding up napkins inside your ceramic coffee mugs. I've gotta fish those things out and it's gross.

2. I realize that there is a giant Starbucks logo on the menu board. But I promise you, we are not a Starbucks. No, I'm not lying to you. Look at the logo a little closer, see how it says "Proudly serving Starbucks Coffee"? That's because we serve Starbucks coffee, much like we serve pastries from the Cheesecake Factory. So, no, we won't take your Starbucks giftcard, no matter how much you look around at all the stacks and stacks and stacks of books asking "But isn't this a Starbucks?"

3. That whole joke about just wanting a regular, normal, plain old cup of coffee was never funny. And people stopped caring in 1995. Of course you can get a regular cup of coffee, so stop smirking like you just said something hilarious, you smug, self-righteous jerk.

4. If I ever run into those six teenagers who came in the store last night and ordered 7 frappacinos and an iced latte five minutes before close, it's possible no one will ever hear from me again, as I will be serving a life sentence at a prison that probably doesn't house a hot Wentworth Miller look-a-like.

5. When I hand you your coffee and say the words "tall, skim, decaf latte" and then you ask me if it's decaf, don't be surprised if I'm no longer Polite and Friendly Barista. Honestly, it's taking every ounce of my willpower not to smack you across the mouth.

6. Just so you know, if I were in charge of the world, no one would ever be allowed to step foot in a retail store until they'd worked in a retail store themselves. So consider yourselves lucky that my plans for world domination thus far have failed.

These are only a few things to maybe keep in mind while shopping at the Barnes & Noble cafe. Not all of you suck, and I do appreciate the apologetic note the last of the seven last-minute customers left for me yesterday, but please. Next time you're ordering a cup of coffee, stop and think, and remember to treat other human beings with the same respect you expect us to treat you with, because your server may just be teetering on the edge of sanity as it is.

Sincerely,

Irate Barista
Annapolis, MD

Comments

[cerulgalactus.livejournal.com]

I havent worked in retail, because I have zero tolerance for people treating me like shit, and I would be done for assault within a day. I have, however, laid many a verbal slapdown on EBs, general assholes and weenies on behalf of servers who arent allowed to. In addition to that, I treat service personel as human beings.

Does that mean I still can't come into stores?

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Well, since I don't rule the world, of course you can. :) Also, maybe if I ruled the world, I would just let you teach a crash course on How to Treat Other People Well, Even if they Are Serving You.

Honestly, people like you are much appreciated, and probably more the norm than those other people, but it's those other people who stick out more that make you miserable. :p

[frenchthebully.livejournal.com]

if I were in charge of the world, no one would ever be allowed to step foot in a retail store until they'd worked in a retail store themselves.

I'd wholeheartedly support this bill.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

You know, it's not a stretch to think we could get something like this passed today. Except for the fact that the government is full of rich people who never had to work retail. :p

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

Except for the fact that the government is full of rich people who never had to work retail

hey hey hey now! don't be stereotyping politicians nor rich people. there are lots of rich people and politicians out there who had work hard and such and experience retail work.

actually, the government funded our $50 million fund in full so I can't complain about them :P

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I know? I was making a joke? :p

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

I don't believe your blasphemic ways :P

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I smite thee!

Oh, hey! Tricia just left me a message and told me she found my Fight Club DVD. :p It was apparently tucked in the same case as one of the DVDs I lent her. So yay! I have Fight Club again! :p

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

Woo hoo!
I'm DVD hogging brother will be happy to hear that. Do you have off that Monday July 3rd?

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but doubtful.

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

As a fellow worker in the "hospitality" industry...I couldn't agree with you more.

Number 5. I know I can be hard of hearing and often do this annoying "repeat what I thought I heard" thingy...but when I was a waitress, and even with the catering now, I make sure I state what the food/drink is very clearly. Unless they are old or have a hearing aid, I can't stand it when they look at me in puzzlement and ask "Is this ______"? After I just said, this is _______! If I say it's chicken, and it looks like chicken, and smells like chicken...DO NOT ASK ME IF IT IS CHICKEN BECAUSE THE ONLY OTHER OPTION WAS THE STEAK AND OBVIOUSLY IT WAS NOT THE STEAK I WAS GIVING YOU!

Okay, I'm done.

Yeah, I feel your pain.
Sorry if I was a B&N Coffee Shop guest ever annoy you. I annoy b/c I love :)

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Yeah, see, if I don't say decaf or something, sure, ask me what is it because maybe I forgot to make it decaf or the cup was labeled wrong or something. But when I clearly state what I'm handing you, and you don't even listen to me? It makes me SEETHE!

I can't imagine the people who get chicken and steak confused. At least mine is coffee and covered up and not visible to the naked eye. Yeesh. Why are people so stupid?

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

Sometimes people are just simply idiotic morons. I can't think of any other reason on why someone is so stupid.

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

3. That whole joke about just wanting a regular, normal, plain old cup of coffee was never funny. And people stopped caring in 1995. Of course you can get a regular cup of coffee, so stop smirking like you just said something hilarious, you smug, self-righteous jerk.

IAWTC.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

IAWTAC!

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

Weirdo.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

You started it! :)

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

BTW..you are working Friday night, aren't you?

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

This Friday, yes. Next Friday, no.

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

Ah okie. There is a Drama Festival over at AACC this friday night. Two of the acting troops I used to perform with are doing scenes and I was going to invite you but you are working so :P
Maybe I'll come visit you afterwards. Are we allowed to bring in books to read that we've already bought? or is that just a no no?

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you can probably bring a book in, people do that sometimes. OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE!

:p

Ooh, that was one I was going to add. The people who come in on Sunday mornings and read the papers and mess them all up and then don't buy them, so they're effectively ruined and we have to throw them away. That's like stealing!

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

OKie, then I won't bring in my book :P Actually I think you'll be closed by the time I leave AACC.

In my defense, if you noticed, I have only come in to read newspapers at the end of the day, not the begining :)

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Aww, it's okay, you're Ashley and you're awesome, so you get a free pass. Those people are obnoxious and just don't even think it matters at all. :p

[roxyoi301.livejournal.com]

Also I don't stand in line for 5 minutes trying to think what drink I want....you seem me coming...you know what to starting making :)

I hate those people, who stand there, talking out their decisions, and don't turn and say "oh you can go ahead" like nice people do.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I should add that one to the list, too. People who stand in a looooong line for fifteen minutes and then don't know what they want when they get to the front. Who does that? (As Dr. Cox would say, I should be allowed to kill them.)

[singingrl.livejournal.com]

The two months I spent as a barista were the longest and most painful of my life, so I totally know what you're going through...and #3 happened to me entirely too often. Although it had nothing on the guys who thought asking about which mints were selling better was a solid pickup line lol...of course, I worked in a Starbucks so we did take starbucks cards...but eh, it was pretty much the same ring of hell lol, good luck with everything

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I don't get why people make those stupid jokes like they're the first ones to ever say it. Like when something won't ring up-- "That means it's free!" No, it doesn't, jackass, and you know it, so shut up. :p

[kurosawa.livejournal.com]

I would never think of being mean to anyone anywhere near food I'm going to eat. Because I know if I were serving food to assholes, I would totally spit in it.

I worked in a video store for three years. It's amazing how much I got yelled at by customers.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Seriously! They're making food for you, and they could do any number of things to that food. Why would you ever be mean to them?

I mean, sometimes I give people a break just because I can tell they're having a bad day and taking it out on me or whatever, but sometimes, you know it's not a bad, it's just that the person is a complete jackass and there's nothing you can do to change that. :p

[delenn-xi.livejournal.com]

6. Just so you know, if I were in charge of the world, no one would ever be allowed to step foot in a retail store until they'd worked in a retail store themselves.

Please to be implementing this ASAP! :)

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

Oh, believe me, the second I take over the world, that's happening. ;)

[estel_sparks]

Forgive the lurking, but I stumbled upon this while, well, lurking and I just about fell out of my chair laughing because I too had the unfortunate experience of working in Barnes & Noble cafe. It was by far the longest four months of my life!

I'd love nothing more than to print this as a flyer to hand out to every single customer that gets in line, despite the fact that I haven't worked there in a year. My days as a barista have scarred me for life and I think the world should know it...or at least part of the world.

I'm wearing a stupid uniform and a green apron, and therefore I'm not an actual person to you... A-fucking-men. Seriously, they have no idea how dangerous it is to piss of a barista. We were this close to creating a spit jar to sit on the counter as a warning to all potential customers. Unfortunately we knew for a fact that management would frown upon such a thing, which was terribly disappointing.

So yeah, sorry for the seriously delayed comment and babble. I can't help but feel a sort of kinship with fellow B&N baristas. We definitely got the short end of the stick. :)

p.s. Are you allowed tips? 'Cause we weren't even allowed that. Bitches!