I really should go to bed...
May. 5th, 2003 02:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evergleam...but I'm doing that thing where I think too much.
It started with brushing my teeth. Seems innocent enough. But I was walking through my routine, kinda rushing so I could get back to my room and my oh-so-comfy bed. And I got to thinking about how I rush the routine every night. I stopped and looked around the bathroom, around the hall, the common room, and everything that I've taken for granted as being familiar. Soon, it won't be mine anymore. I had flashes of August and moving in, of having Chris over for the first time in my as yet unpacked room, of every night like this one all piling on top of one another faster and faster until they collapsed in on themselves. And I couldn't believe how fast it's all gone by. Again.
It always happens this way, too. I don't realize that I should stop and grasp onto something until it's almost out of my reach. It hits me whenever I'm lonely, or homesick, or nostalgic. Tonight, I miss my Megan. But not just Megan who is far away in Vermont. I miss someone who is part of a different life. I miss the girl who shared my childhood with me, who helped me grow up (if that's what you call this). But even more than that, I miss MeganandHeather, I miss sleepovers and late night giggles, popcorn/butter fights, inside jokes, notebooks and notebooks and shoeboxes full of our lives, our secrets, our shared hopes and dreams and fears. Even though I finally feel happy here, I finally have people I love and can count on, I miss the relationship I used to have with Megan. It's gone...it's been gone for a lot longer than I've been willing to admit to myself. We used to be able to stay up late just talking, or laughing harder than two people should be allowed to laugh. I've cried with her, spent holidays with her family, been on all manner of vacations with her. I really miss sharing music with her, telling her my new favorite band. We don't even listen to the same kind of music anymore.
As I'm writing this, so many memories come flooding into my brain. Mostly of late nights and just generally being a high schooler. But they all involve Megan and me. Now, when I go home, it's only me.
We'll always have a connection, and we'll probably always keep in touch, but it won't ever be like it was. That's so upsetting.
It started with brushing my teeth. Seems innocent enough. But I was walking through my routine, kinda rushing so I could get back to my room and my oh-so-comfy bed. And I got to thinking about how I rush the routine every night. I stopped and looked around the bathroom, around the hall, the common room, and everything that I've taken for granted as being familiar. Soon, it won't be mine anymore. I had flashes of August and moving in, of having Chris over for the first time in my as yet unpacked room, of every night like this one all piling on top of one another faster and faster until they collapsed in on themselves. And I couldn't believe how fast it's all gone by. Again.
It always happens this way, too. I don't realize that I should stop and grasp onto something until it's almost out of my reach. It hits me whenever I'm lonely, or homesick, or nostalgic. Tonight, I miss my Megan. But not just Megan who is far away in Vermont. I miss someone who is part of a different life. I miss the girl who shared my childhood with me, who helped me grow up (if that's what you call this). But even more than that, I miss MeganandHeather, I miss sleepovers and late night giggles, popcorn/butter fights, inside jokes, notebooks and notebooks and shoeboxes full of our lives, our secrets, our shared hopes and dreams and fears. Even though I finally feel happy here, I finally have people I love and can count on, I miss the relationship I used to have with Megan. It's gone...it's been gone for a lot longer than I've been willing to admit to myself. We used to be able to stay up late just talking, or laughing harder than two people should be allowed to laugh. I've cried with her, spent holidays with her family, been on all manner of vacations with her. I really miss sharing music with her, telling her my new favorite band. We don't even listen to the same kind of music anymore.
As I'm writing this, so many memories come flooding into my brain. Mostly of late nights and just generally being a high schooler. But they all involve Megan and me. Now, when I go home, it's only me.
We'll always have a connection, and we'll probably always keep in touch, but it won't ever be like it was. That's so upsetting.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-05 01:34 am (UTC)So I know what you're going through and I feel for you.
*hugs*
Re:
Date: 2003-05-05 11:19 pm (UTC)