in the place where you used to star-ar-ar-ar-art

[evergleam]

Sometimes I feel like I've spent my whole life on the outside of everything, looking in without understanding exactly what's going on, wondering if the whispers are about me, feeling foolish when it turns out I'm actually invisible.

I spent a summer in a dance camp once, where the girls were horrible to me, always whispering or making fun of me, not letting me into their little group, playing games specifically to exclude me. Maybe I smelled or my clothes were ugly or something, or children are just evil at nine and ten years old. But there was a girl who was in the camp who was nice to me. She hung out with me the whole time, didn't give in when the other girls were trying to get her to exclude me as well.

I met her again in high school, she was a drummer in the marching band. She always had a big smile on her face, and we became pretty good friends in the two years before she graduated.

I don't know why I just thought of this. Possibly this music I've been listening to the last few days. This CD especially reminds me of her, I think because we popped it in a lot at parties at her house. I blame rodeojones88 for making me have to dig it out from under my bed in the first place. :P

Do little boys do that, though? It can't just be little girls that are so mean. And if boys do it, how is it different? How do boys band together to lash out against the "weaker" ones?

Just curious.

Comments

[emulsion-lift.livejournal.com]

boys do that too. it's probably most evident in sports where testosterone is at its highest. like getting the snot tackled out of you or getting picked last for the team.

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

I think it's interesting that it's a kind of physical punishment with boys, and little girls tend to operate on a more psychological level. Generalizing here, but I have seen that in action between my sisters and male cousins. And you know, just having eyes and growing up in public school. :P

Okay, but seriously going to bed now. And the name of that penguin guy is gonna drive me crazy until I can figure it out. :P

[bonacheeta.livejournal.com]

Was that my Crystal? :) I miss Crystal. :(

[evergleam83.livejournal.com]

It was indeed. I miss her, too. What's she doing these days, do you know?