The following is my advice regarding the situation. If you don't want to receive unsolicited advice, feel free to stop reading my (ridiculously long) comment now.
Okay, here's the deal: There is no such thing as a selfless act. Let's get that out of the way first. Everything that anyone has ever done is a selfish act. Even acts that are done to help others are selfish acts. This isn't a bad thing, mind you, just the way things are. People say that someone gives to charity and expects nothing in return. This is the sometimes the case (though often the person in question wants recognition for their good deed), but even then the act is selfish. Why? Whoever it is, they are giving because it makes them feel good. They might not enjoy not having as much money, or time, or whatever, but the enjoyment they lose by giving that up is of a lesser amount/quality than the enjoyment they receive with the knowledge that they are helping someone. Conversely, the unhappy emotion associated with not helping someone is often greater than the unhappy emotion associated with giving up a bit of time or money. In case you were wondering, I do have a point. Whether or not you help Dan, you are acting in your self interest. If you help him, it is because you feel better about giving up your time than you would about not helping him. If you do not help him, it is because you feel better having your time to yourself than you would spending your time helping him. You are the only one that can decide whether or not to help him. You told him you would help, but you did not (surmising from what you've said) agree to help him every time he was working on his project, at any hour of the night, for as long as it takes. Your chosen obligation, strictly speaking, was over after you spent a couple of ridiculously long sessions helping him. I understand that you feel bad about not helping him, but you have to decide whether feeling bad about not helping him is better or worse than not having your time to yourself or getting the sleep you need. This is a long comment. A lot longer than was necessary, really. Feel free to dismiss it. I just felt like offering a bit of advice. Take it or leave it. That's up to you.
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asenathwaite
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-22 12:10 am (UTC)Okay, here's the deal:
There is no such thing as a selfless act. Let's get that out of the way first. Everything that anyone has ever done is a selfish act. Even acts that are done to help others are selfish acts. This isn't a bad thing, mind you, just the way things are.
People say that someone gives to charity and expects nothing in return. This is the sometimes the case (though often the person in question wants recognition for their good deed), but even then the act is selfish. Why? Whoever it is, they are giving because it makes them feel good. They might not enjoy not having as much money, or time, or whatever, but the enjoyment they lose by giving that up is of a lesser amount/quality than the enjoyment they receive with the knowledge that they are helping someone. Conversely, the unhappy emotion associated with not helping someone is often greater than the unhappy emotion associated with giving up a bit of time or money.
In case you were wondering, I do have a point. Whether or not you help Dan, you are acting in your self interest. If you help him, it is because you feel better about giving up your time than you would about not helping him. If you do not help him, it is because you feel better having your time to yourself than you would spending your time helping him. You are the only one that can decide whether or not to help him. You told him you would help, but you did not (surmising from what you've said) agree to help him every time he was working on his project, at any hour of the night, for as long as it takes. Your chosen obligation, strictly speaking, was over after you spent a couple of ridiculously long sessions helping him. I understand that you feel bad about not helping him, but you have to decide whether feeling bad about not helping him is better or worse than not having your time to yourself or getting the sleep you need.
This is a long comment. A lot longer than was necessary, really. Feel free to dismiss it. I just felt like offering a bit of advice. Take it or leave it. That's up to you.