You feed the beast I have within me

So it seems that I spent the whole weekend with ghosts of my childhood. I stood in rooms where I played as a kindergartener, rooms where I slept as a first grader, hallways that still had my two-year-old handprints on the wall, yards filled with childish laughter echoing from the past. I passed buildings where I stood in awe over and over again, walked familiar paths and brushed by me's from two, three, four years ago.

It's been an interesting three days.

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Look what I went and did.

Baaaaa.

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I want so many things out of life, but I don't know if I have the dedication, the motivation, to go after them.

I want to take control of my surroundings, of my life. I feel like I'm letting things happen to me instead of making things happen. Nothing will ever work out that way.

I'm so tired. I want to sleep my days and nights away.

I have so much work to do, but when I sit in class, all I can think of is how trivial reading and discussing a book is. Why do I have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to do that? And where will it get me in the long run?

There are so many things I want to do. But I don't think I'll ever do any of them.

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I finally saw Bowling for Columbine tonight. I'm not sure entirely how I feel about it. I liked a lot of it, but towards the end I just wanted to smack Michael Moore. I think objectivity is key in a documentary, and he threw it all out the window there for awhile. He also was doing a lot of the very things that the media he was complaining about does in an effort to win his audience over.

I'll have to think about it a bit more.

After that, Rac and Noble and Mark and Aster and I went to the RA office to keep Chris company while she was on duty for a bit. It ended with a all of us tackling Christina...and a broken paddle. Good times.

I am currently skipping out on helping Dan. I'm so tired of doing it, but I keep telling him I will. Because obviously Dan's senior seminar is more important than anything I have to do. I need to work on that whole pleasing others thing...and then feeling guilty about it cause I don't please others.

Gah, that sentence didn't make any sense at all.

I'm just rambling right now, I don't have anything to say. I'm going to go read for a bit.